spider in the house

Do you ever get spiders in your bathroom? This morning I go to take a shower and I nearly drop my towel when I see this gigantor in the tub. I’m pretty sure it was a tarantula. Okay, so maybe it was only about an inch big, shiny and black, but in my head it was a tarantula with black widow poison capabilities.

I don’t understand what it is that compels spiders to think that bathtubs are a great place to hang out. Are they filled with greenery in which to hide? No. Are they filled with yummy things to entrap and eat? Other than me, no. They are dangerous places in which frightened humans like myself can send them swimming down the drain. They must know this is not good news for them.

Don’t they talk to each other about this?

Spider 1 [in a grave whisper]: Did ye hear about Larry?

Spider 2: Yeah man, I heard he disappeared after he set up shop in that human’s house. {For some reason, in my head, spiders talk with a Manchester accent.]

Spider 1: Aye, mate, wot do ye think happened?

Spider 2: No one really knows, do they?

Spider 1: I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna find out what happens! I bet those places are just full of moths and virgins, yeah?

Spider 2: Are ye daft, mate? You’ll get yourself killed, you will.

Spider 1: No mate! It’ll be an adventure! I’m gonna have a go, yeah!

And thus a spider ends up in my bathroom shower. I wish I could say I have a zen-like approach to this and carefully scoop them up on a stray envelope and send them peacefully on their way to safety outside my home. But me and spiders are not friends. (Or me and bees for that matter.) I know they are good for our planet and keep other bugs in check, and very thankful I am for all of that. But my bathroom doesn’t have other bugs. And frankly, if it’s a choice between a black widow and a teensy little moth? The moth wins. Particularly if I’m down to naught but me skivvies. Part of me might wish I were a better person about this, but in such a defenseless state, another {more foreceful} part of me can’t help but feel deep primordial vindictive glee when I start the water, clutch my towel, and blink like a tarsier watching the spider go down the drain.

Tarsier.

Blink. Blink.

I hope you learned your lesson, Spider!

Guilt.

Then shower.

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3 thoughts on “spider in the house

  1. Aw…you poor dear! I do understand and sympathize with your reaction to spiders. But I don't really share it. As a gardener I see spiders as helpers. They eat a lot of the really bad guys. Anything that hoovers up aphids is my friend. I'm always very happy to see the garden spiders in residence. Yes, it is startling to have a two inch wide, big hairy wolf spider hop out of the border you are weeding. I tread lightly when I turn on the back water faucet – the one between the hedges – because it is a favorite place for the great big garden spiders to spin their enormous webs. And if they get excited they will jump on you. (I've had that happen.) Just day before yesterday I saw the first harvestman of the season on the ceiling in the den. He isn't there now…I have no idea where he went. No, I didn't kill him and yes, I understand that you may never visit me again. (NO! Wait! I will go on a murderous safari for two weeks before your arrival! Really! It will be safe!)

    We actually did come upon a black widow last weekend (about an inch and a half wide) under the phony rock that covers the well pump. We simply had to work in there since the pump had quit. Turns out the problem wasn't spiders but ants. They get into the pressure switch and short out the electrical connections. We just had to go around the big, bad spider. No trauma. I sure hope she eats ants.

    I feel pretty confident around here about spiders – there are only two kinds that are really dangerous – one is extremely rare and you can pretty well predict where the other type will be. None of them really hunt you down to do you injury. It's really like bees – if you leave them alone they will usually do the same.

    That's here…Australia, now, that's another story. They have some REAL nasties I've heard.

    Oh, and I've read that there are really, really big ones in Thailand. They are not supposed to be dangerous, though. (More concern about snakes!) Maybe you'll revise your views on the critters while you are there.

    On the other hand…I'm impressed that you dispatched the poor little fella by yourself. So many women feel that they must shriek for help from the male member of the household.

  2. Oh my goodness, I admire how well you make peace with your spiders when in close proximity! I'm perfectly at peace with them when they are outside the house. I appreciate their place in the world – I just prefer they build their webs somewhere other than in my little nest. But if they're outside? That's fine; I just give them plenty of space.

    (Bees I DEFINITELY try to give space because the one time I had a run-in with one it wasn't pretty. I was just lying in the grass, reading a book, and a bee flew up between my toes and I guess he must have given himself a fright because he stung me, right between the toes. Getting that stinger out was so painful and took forever, so the venom sac had plenty of time to empty itself into my foot. My foot swelled up so big, I couldn't wear shoes for a solid month. I run like the apocalypse has come whenever a bee is in sight.)

    Anyway, but so when a spider is in the shower and I'm about to get in, with not a stitch between me and his pincers, I'm afraid all my peaceful respect for creatures goes out the window. I might call in a male savior, except I'm ashamed of my murderous tendencies and usually don't admit to them. :)

    You're right though. Here, I am definitely accustomed to a sanitized little world where few little beasties trespass. I will certainly have to get used to making peace with them in Thailand.

    Except mosquitoes. I plan on waging war against them. But that's because they just spread disease and misery.

  3. We are going through bug fear in our house right now. From a little moth to a little blank ant, it leads to fear and panic in the 4yo. To the point where she refused to go into their bathroom unless someone is with her. Because to be sititng on the potty (even though her feet don't touch the ground) and have some *bug* (cue shudder) crawl near where her feet would be, just can't happen. Granted I'm not a fan of spiders or bugs in my house, but as long as they aren't the kind that are going to jump on me or hurt one of the kids, I'm fairly indifferent. But yes, you'd think spiders would smarten up about the bathtub. It's just not spider friendly.