Pinnacle Moments {Brook}

Welcome to the third edition of Pinnacle Moments! We’re really ramping up here, and I’m so excited! For those just joining us, Pinnacle Moments is a series where we share a defining moment in our lives…maybe it’s a day you had an epiphany, or made a choice or faced a circumstance that changed the course of your life, or realized something about who you are deep down, etc. Or it can even be about your sweetest romantic memory…a defining moment in your relationship with your spouse or significant other! Last week, Queen Lucy the Valiant shared her magical tale of love and a leap of faith. This week, Brook from Red Head Reverie is going to push us a little deeper into the recesses of the heart. She has an incredible story to share. It’s an awe-inspiring tale of strength and of hope. It is a must-read, and I invite you to join us here now as she shares this part of her life.
 

From Brook:

I want to warn you this isn’t one of those warm fuzzy stories. When Jade asked us to dig deep and find our Pinnacle Moment, I just kept coming back to this moment in time, a time of hope and healing.

“Do you want to be a victim or a survivor,” my therapist asked me.

I couldn’t answer her.

This was my fourth suicide attempt. This time it was BAD. ER doctors, stomach pumping, a two-day stint in ICU, and a week stint in the psych ward kind of bad. I guess that’s what happens when you down half a bottle of your anti-depressants with a Captain Morgan chaser.

How the hell did I get here?

I met a guy and after a whirlwind romance we moved in with each other. Everything was great I thought I was in love and this was it “the one”.

Then it happened.

“You’re a fucking bitch.”

I stood there like a deer in headlights. Was he talking to me?

Then he said it again and laughed. “Oh, I’m just kidding, can’t you take a joke.”

Really…I was speechless. The warning alarm kept sounding in my head, but I ignored it.

For a while life was good. He would say how lucky he was that he found me, and we would talk about getting married. But then out of the blue I’d hear, “Stop eating your cereal like that you sound like a pig.”

As the months passed I spent my time walking on eggshells wondering what in the world would set him off. One day it could be that I wore too much make-up. “You look like a whore with that shit on your face.” The next he would be sweet as sugar talking about buying rings and spending the rest of our lives together.

“Whore”

“White trash”

“Fucking Bitch”

Words I began to hear on a daily basis.

To him I was a verbal punching bag. And while no one could see the bruises, they were there on the inside.

I was in a constant state of fear and self-loathing. My formally healthy 120 pound frame dwindled to 90 pounds, I cried at the drop of a hat and became needy and co-dependent. Everything I never wanted to be, in essence I was a victim. The only way to find relief was to find a way out. “The boyfriend” had isolated me from all my friends, so I didn’t have a support system to turn to. Instead, I decided I’d just “end it”.

And that’s what led me to this moment.

I sat in that office that I knew so well. In the yellow gingham overstuffed chair which was more comfortable than the couch and closer to the Kleenex. And with tears streaming down my face I said “Survivor.”

I met my husband a year after this incident and ten years and two kids later I have found joy. I would never want to go through that again, but it made me realize that I FINALLY did deserve to be happy. FINALLY…

I don’t know about you, but I had tears in my eyes when I read Brook’s word “Survivor.” What an incredibly strong woman she is, to make that choice. I hope you drew inspiration from her story as I did, and I hope you’ll join us again next week. If you have a Pinnacle Moment to share: a transcendent moment, a crossroads, a turn in the path that changed your life forever, please email me or leave me a comment and I’ll send you the details. ‘Till next week then!
 
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10 thoughts on “Pinnacle Moments {Brook}

  1. Brook, my arms prickled with goosebumps at the last word stance of survivor and my heart absolutely wells at thankfulness for the hand of protection surrounding you. My world has been so much richer with you in it. And I'm glad you chose not just to survive but to live well.

  2. Oh, Brook… ((hugs)) And thank you for your bravery in sharing this, for all those out there who may be ignoring the warning alarms in their own minds. I agree with Kathy that verbal abuse can be so damaging… words can silence your soul and steal your hope, can't they? I praise God that you are still here, that you are indeed a survivor, and that you've gone on to add more love to the world rather than manifest the hurt you've endured. Beautiful Pinnacle Moment, friend.

  3. Brook, that was a very brave thing you did just to share that story…your story. I can feel all that you withheld from that story, all the emotions, the pain, the struggle, the sorrow, the doubt, the many, many doubts.

    What I come away with from your story is how very little your boyfriend knew you. I may not know you but from your story alone I know that you are strong, tough, resilient, BRAVE, and beautiful from way deep within. Thank you for surviving, for finding happiness, so you could share your story.

  4. Thanks for sharing your powerful story! It took courage to share, but not as much as I am sure it did to not only say the word "survivor," but to follow through and become one. Celebrating the happy ending along with you!

  5. That's it. Cynthia said it. All day, since I read this I have been thinking that there was so much more courage and struggle and effort involved. Yes, the pivotal moment was choosing "survivor". That was absolutely necessary and important but that did not, could not, mean that the result was automatic…or easy.

    Bless you, Brook, for all the strength and commitment it took you to get through the really bad to the place you are now. May that strength carry you on and on.

  6. Thank you, Brooke, for sharing such a personal and difficult time in your life– and it is so inspiring that you chose to survive! Thank goodness you found your inner strength and made the right choice– your strength is inspiring and gives me hope during a difficult time in my own life. So glad you have grown to find a good man and have a family now.

  7. i think is a story of inspiration, brooke, and i hope that others reading it see that there are moments in time, pinacle moments that pass. and, though i'm sure you still struggle w what happened and the aftermath, finding love and joy and good things after truly makes you a survivor.

  8. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Your support helped me share this story. I would never want anyone to go through what I did, and I hope that those that might be struggling right now will find the strength to find their inner survivor. Hugs to you all.