Pinnacle Moments {Hyacynth}

Welcome to this week’s edition of Pinnacle Moments, where we share the moments that have shaped our lives. This week’s moment comes from the lovely Hyacynth, of Undercover Mother. It’s a poignant one. I hope you’ll stay to hear her tale. Here it is.

From Hyacynth:

His two-year-old footprints shimmer in the sunlight dancing on the wooden floor as we both sit in a tangled heap crying, his small body draped over a rather pregnant stretch of baby beneath my skin.

In a moment of twoness that I just couldn’t understand, he scampered across the freshly mopped floor for a fourth time in so many minutes.

In a moment of selfishness, irritation he just couldn’t understand, I forcefully reached out, grabbed him by the arm and all but yanked him from the still-soaking floors while yelling loudly and denouncing his repeated attempts at puddle splashing.

Eyes wide, full of surprise, he looks at me stunned. He’s never heard that mommy before, never felt an ungentle touch come from her hands.

But I keep scolding anyway, hot from emotions and the exhaustion of scrubbing floors and being eight months pregnant and keeping up with a spirited toddler.

I hear the harshness in my voice. I see the panic spread across his brow, creep into his normally joyful eyes.

And at the same time he bursts into scared tears, I snap back into the reality of the situation:

he’s a two year old exploring our world, not a teenager defiantly staying out past curfew.

In his unique verbalization of two he cries, “Mommy soooo mad. I sorry. No more splashing on the floor. Mommy scary like a monster.”

The words mommy monster burn into my brain. It’s my turn for hot tears to spill past heavy lashes, for panic to creep into my heart about what kind of precedent I’ve just set, what kind of experience I’ve allowed him to harbor as a memory.

In a moment of Divine Grace realized, I’m reminded that no one is made of perfection; but everyone is bathed in forgiveness if only they ask.

So his body gathered in my arms, I dry his tears and my own as the floor’s wetness, too, evaporates and ask him simply, voice full of remorse, “Mommy is so sorry I yelled at you. Could you forgive me?”

Though he cannot yet speak the real meaning of apology or forgiveness, he feels the working definition of both in his heart after seeing the regret across my face, feeling the warmth of my arms and voice; he wraps his small arms around my neck, while nodding his head yes.

I feel his forgiveness, and I understand forgiveness in a whole new way through his embrace:

it doesn’t stem from being right, nor is it something that can be earned or bought; rather it’s given freely out of love.

And through the child-blessing of an oldest son, I suddenly know a little better the heart of the Father who gifted him to us.

What a moment! Even without a child of my own, I recognize that same part in me that Hyacynth so bravely shared with us today. Pinnacle Moments will be taking a break for the Thanksgiving holiday next week, but will return the week after. I hope you’ve enjoyed the series so far! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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7 thoughts on “Pinnacle Moments {Hyacynth}

    • I'm so glad this moment that I often hesitate to share gave encouragement to someone else! I have a love-hate relationship with this moment. It's hard to recall and share. Thanks for the encouragement in return, Rita.

  1. Hyacynth, I have far too many memories of moments when my patience wore thin and, like you, they still distress me. Of course we should try to control ourselves and keep things in perspective, especially with our children. But someone far wiser than I once told me that it may be more valuable to show our children an example of how to manage our strong feelings and shortcomings to a positive outcome than to try to convince them of our perfection. How could you have modeled for your child how to get control of your irritation and ask for forgiveness if this never happened? And how troubled must the child be who senses his own temper and limitations if he believes that those he loves best have no such feelings?

  2. Thanks for sharing this, Hyacynth. It takes bravery to be so honest and vulnerable–to something we can all relate to! I have a couple memories that still make my face burn with shame when I recall them.And to echo Linda a bit, I have read that it is healthier for children to see a range of positive and negative emotions explored (and resolved) in the home. After all, the "real" world hold many experiences–not all of which are positive…seeing negative feelings explored at home can be helpful–especially when they end in a loving embrace :)