My dog lays down on the long edge of the couch, maintaining a vigilant watch against the treachery and villainy of such perilous things as passing mothers with children, gardeners, and the occasional bird hopping down our front path in search of seeds. I can hear my father in the kitchen, thunk-thunk-thunk-swipe, chopping papayas and mangos for his and my mother’s oatmeal, while she pads around upstairs getting dressed for the day. They will leave for the U.S. again soon, and these sounds which have become routine will soon be replaced with silence. My nails tick along across the keys. The aroma of coffee is in the air, though I only catch a whiff through an allergy-stuffed nose. Toby works quietly in his office, coming out from time to time to share news about the new camera that was announced that he’ll need to buy or the crazy-funny thing he just read online.
These are the sounds and sights and smells of my mornings.
The sounds are tranquil, a stark contrast against the cacophony pulsing in my head. I’ve undergone an inner roller coaster in the space of a week, in the space of a day.
Inspiration–>impatience–>self-doubt–>despair–>grim resolve to keep doing.
Fake it ’til you make it, right? Pretend you know what you’re doing in the hopes that one day you actually will – such is the life of any creative, or so I’m told. I’m still in the faking it part, so I’ll keep you posted on the rest.
The dog has given up her post and come to sleep beside me. I use her small weight to warm my feet because puppies are more comforting than socks. Today I will work and tell myself that it’s okay if what I write is bollocks because it’s better to write bollocks than not write at all, just as I will go out to do yoga in the evening because it’s a fucking amazing feeling to strap my mat over my shoulder and ride my motorbike through lotus fields and rice paddies to get into town to do yoga in Thailand, and that’s way better than not doing yoga at all.
In the face of self-doubt, do.
In the act of doing, the emptiness gets filled with light.
* * *
In other news: My mom & I got facials at a fancy spa this weekend (which was AMAZING, by the way, and when they got to the part where they put a honey mask on my face, I really just wanted to stick out my tongue and lick the honey). An hour-long facial using all-natural and organic ingredients such as honey, cucumber, and tomato for $45, and I spent a good portion of the time trying not to laugh out loud at myself for paying people to rub me in the face with vegetables.
My skin was really soft and glowy afterward. I brought makeup to reapply and didn’t even need it.
Also, please note: I’m switching up my blog schedule just a tiny bit. I’m moving my Coffee Chat posts (otherwise known as “slice of life/keeping the family updated” posts) to Mondays. My Books to Savor posts, which are normally on Fridays, will now be on Wednesdays and I’m expanding them to include posts on anything else I like or find interesting and want to share with you all. Thursdays will still be Bigger Picture Moments – finding the big things in small moments and living life with intention. And on Fridays, you can still find me at Bigger Picture Blogs, hosting Reading Circles – reading for the sake of writing. Don’t forget: if you want to join in our virtual book club meeting set for Jan. 31 vote on the read you’d like best and RSVP by Wednesday!
Also linking up with Just Write & Communal Global