Momma Chat & Other Things

_1070603I took an impromptu hiatus from…well, just about everything. Sometimes, you have room on your plate for a sampling of all of the buffet. Sometimes, you just stick to your mac n’ cheese. I tried to do too much of everything (cooking, cleaning, childcare, publishing a book, going back to work at SOLD…) and ended up nothing but sullen and exhausted, so I decided it was time to turn in and just focus on the family’s basic needs, and my own need for rest. I really need a vacation, but mamas don’t get vacations, so I’m just going to make do with whatever hour or two I scrape up here and there until I get myself back to center.

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There has been much and more I’ve wanted to tell you about Cy since he marked his first birthday by taking his first steps. It surprised me how much turning one changed him. He suddenly understood more things. He suddenly toddled. He even suddenly looked older. He is still just a baby in so many ways. In so many more, he’s a little boy. I often feel desperate for a little space to myself, but every once in a while, I am already saddened at the thought of his impermanence, how baby will melt into boy, boy will melt into man, and man will melt away into some future of his own making. It’s right; it’s what I’m preparing him for. It will be years down the line, but I can already feel how the years will come just on the heels of tomorrow.

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And then he screams because the little train car won’t sit just so on its track and I’m ready to jump ahead to the part where he’s old enough to reason with.

Then he grabs a tissue and wipes the floor to “help Mama” and I applaud. He leans his head back, grinning, and topples over. I laugh and scoop him up to kiss away his boo boo, and am grateful that, for now at least, his boo boos are the kind that can be kissed away.

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I’ve also been aware that I need to give more of my self to my husband. In the early months, I told myself not to worry; we just needed to focus on surviving. But as the months passed, I began to remind myself that there is a marriage to tend, and it is the foundation under which the parenting could not survive. There is a husband inside the father, a wife inside the mother, and they need attention too. We talk to each other a lot about what we need as individuals and as a couple and do our best to make each other’s needs a priority. Sometimes there aren’t easy answers. Sometimes we try things out and decide they don’t work. It’s a process, but we’re working on it.

I have stories to tell, and I will try to get back to this space to tell them, by and by.

P.S. Sorry this post contains old photos. For some reason, wordpress is giving me grief about uploading new ones, and I figure better a post with old photos than no post at all. Hopefully the next one will have something fresh for you to see!

Little by Little



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8 thoughts on “Momma Chat & Other Things

  1. "There is a husband inside the father" – I love that, even though I'm not married or with kids but you're right, all relationships are constant work and require nourishment. Thank you again for your perspective on what it's like to play all of these different roles and the struggles that come with each

  2. Life goes by in a blink ~ Adorable child and photos ~ 'If it was easy ~ anyone could do it.' Being a parent is both joy and sorrow ~ Hope you find your 'laughing place'. xoxoxo

    artmusedog and carol (A Creative Harbor)

  3. There are people inside the parents and you forget that at your peril and yes I am speaking from experience

    Mollyxxx

  4. This post contains so much wisdom. It's kind of like those announcements on planes about putting on your oxygen mask first before tending to others. You need to recharge so you can keep loving others well, and yet so often we run on low oxygen because others need us. It does get easier, but its good when we can enjoy the season we are in, trials and all. I'm glad that you are seeing the value of taking some time to tend to your little clan.