{Bigger Picture Moments} Dancing Under Wisteria

Photography by Kelly Segre Photography

It was after everyone had departed. The grounds were quiet. Guests had headed to their hotels to change or freshen up for the reception. Our photographers had taken all the shots they needed after the ceremony. Our wedding party had a few minutes to wander the gardens in the golden evening light, and we had a few minutes to bask in the glow of: yes, we are actually married.

Everything else melted away and it was just me and him, an untouchable two who had newly become one.

What a special feeling that is, isn’t it? You remember it, even years later: the warmth on your skin, the way he squeezed your hand extra tight, the radiance of colors, the effervescence of love. You’re so full of it, you’re positively thrumming. It feels impossible to fit that much happiness in one being all at once.

So we danced. We took strident, world-conquering steps together towards the wisteria arch, under which we were wed. And in the shade of fragrant, lavender blossoms, we danced. Coordinating our steps to the song in our hearts, he led with princely poise and I twirled down on Cinderella toes.

In the garden, in the quiet, in the glow, we danced.

Photography by Kelly Segre Photography

Each Thursday, we come together to share the harvest of intentional living by capturing a glimmer of the bigger picture through a simple moment. And to spice it up a little, during the month of FEBRUARY, we’ll be reflecting upon the tender gifts of love that bring sparkle our lives.

Share a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with LOVE in your heart.

Live.
Reflect on the blessings that were apparent to you this week.

Capture.
Harvest them!

Share.
Link up your gleaned moment this week HERE! Please be sure to link to your post, not your blog. Your post must link back here or have our button in your post or the link will be deleted.

Encourage.
Visit at least the person linked before you and encourage her in this journey we call life.

A Big Announcement!

(No, I’m not pregnant. Just in case that’s what you thought I was going to say.)

But it is exciting news! And just in time to coincide with my blog’s brand new look! I hope this design is much cleaner and clearer. It should load a bit faster and be easy to navigate on various devices. (Even iPads and iPhones!) What do you think? Pretty?

(RSS feed readers, be sure to click over and check it out!)

Anyway….ON TO THE BIG NEWS!

Regular readers have probably picked up on the Bigger Picture blogs posts I participate in. This lovely community of women writers host, among a slew of other creative delights, weekly meditations on the simple moments in life, in which we see the bigger picture. It grew out of a desire to live life more intentionally. But these fabulous ladies don’t stop there. They are constantly on the move to inspire others to live life fully, to create through photography and the written word, and to sound our voices like clarion bells. They also support fabulous missions to bring awareness to what we eat, help charitable causes, and find simple ways to regain clarity where needed.

They are an inspiration.

And guess what? They’ve asked me to join them!

I’m honored and thrilled to announce that I will be joining the Bigger Picture Blogs community as one of the leaders. That means, from time to time, I will be hosting the BPM link-ups here on my blog. I’ll also be helping out with the writer’s book club, doing my best to inspire writers to get out there and write! I’ll also share whatever tidbits I’ve gleaned about the writing process along the way.

I can’t tell you how excited I am!

A big, heartfelt thank you to: Alita, Hyacynth, Lenae, Melissa, and Sarah!

I also want to send a big thank you to all my readers, for following me on this amazing journey. Your support has buoyed me in ways I cannot describe nor count. I love reading all your comments, and I adore the conversations we’ve had. I do hope you’ll continue with me as I embark on this next phase of my adventure.

Love & hugs,
A Very Happy Jade

what he was waiting for

August 2006

“Do you think he’s ready?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how much more time it could take, how much more we could do to know if this is it or not. I just don’t know what he’s waiting for.”

——————————————————-

December 2006

Despite the chill in the air, we felt glowy and warm. We huddled in our thick jackets and caught a bus to the Christmas market, where we stood under blinking Christmas lights, sipped gluhwein, watched vendors selling fresh marzipan and nougat, and smiled at shoppers mingling with their little ones in tow. Christmastime in Berlin is nothing short of magical – especially to this southern Californian who finds snow a foreign element.

On Christmas Eve, we went to Mass and reveled in the triumphant music, and then Toby and I joined his family at their home for more caroling, gift giving, and holiday joy by their tree which was decorated so beautifully with real candles shining their cozy flame.

We each took turns opening our gifts and collectively appreciating each one, until finally there were none.

The air buzzed with a satisfied glow.

And then, Toby announced: “Well, I have do one more gift to give…”

Looking around at him, my pleasant surprise turned into a heartstop, the only part of me moving was the blood rushing to my face.

He was down on one knee.

He took my hand, cleared his throat, and said, “I had a speech all planned, but now I’ve forgotten it. Will you marry me?”

I burst into tears, grabbed him in an embrace, and cried very wet yeses into his neck.

His family applauded, though his dad was still unsure. “Did she say yes?” he wondered.

Yes, a thousand times, I said yes.

I guess he was only waiting for it to be magical.

This month, the gang at Bigger Picture Blogs is celebrating and sharing love.

Join in the fun at Hyacynth’s this week and share the love!

The Way We Met

…was a series of coincidences that might have easily gone any other way.

It was the first day of painting class in a bright, fresh new year at university. I spotted a guy across the room who I thought was so good-looking that…well, let’s just say, by the second day, I had my easel set up next to his. Nothing serious, of course. I did have a boyfriend at the time. Just, you know, when a girl’s gotta’ get her Muse on, it doesn’t hurt to have a nice view.

We chatted and made friendly. But nothing serious, ’cause, I did have a boyfriend after all.

One quarter bled into another, and then we had a different class together, but this time, he had a girlfriend too, and so all we exchanged were some hellos and a few blithe quips. Our worlds kept on going, always along the outer edges of each other’s orbits.

Then summer came along and I had plans to go to Thailand. And then he had plans to go to Thailand. At the same time. And we said, “We should totally meet up.” “Yeah, totally, we should meet up.”

And then we didn’t. Because it wasn’t ever anything serious at all.

And then, I moved into a new place and broke up with my boyfriend. He broke up with his girlfriend. Change was in the wind and I was a butterfly floating on top of it. I was walking to class with my friend, Sumit, and then I saw him.

“Hey, you went to Thailand! I went to Thailand!”

“Wait, yeah, that’s right!”

“We should totally meet up and share photos!”

“Right! We should!”

And we never exchanged numbers or addresses or dates. But after we parted ways, Sumit turned to me and said, “What was that?”

“What was what?” Except my blush coulda’ lit up a red light district.

And then, I was in the library and he was in the library, and I said, “Hey I’m in a new place. You should come over and we can share those photos.” And then we did exchange numbers and addresses and dates.

And then he came over. And then he kept coming over. And I said, “I just got out of a three-year relationship. I just want to keep things loose. No commitments.” “That’s fine,” he said. Besides, it was nothing serious. He was the type to have nipple piercings and tell stories about all the crazy stuff he got into…and I was so not.

But then I saw that he wasn’t that type at all, not really. I saw that if he was a type at all, he was the only one in it.

And then I didn’t want to keep things loose anymore, and I said, “I don’t want to see anyone else anymore. I just want to see you.” “That’s fine,” he said. “Nothing serious. It’s just I like you, is all.” That’s what I said. What I meant was I liked him enough not to want to let him go.

And then one day, he had to go to work, and I caught his hand. I might have squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t see my voice shake. “I’m in love with you,” I said. “You don’t have to say anything back, I just –”

“Actually, I love you too.” And when I opened my eyes, I saw his bright blue eyes shining on me like I was his angel sent down to earth just for him. And I thought maybe I’d found my angel too.

Doin’ a little focus on love, for the month of February!
Share your love with us, this week at Alita’s!

P.S. And now we live in Thailand. Turns out it was pretty serious after all.

Simply, Sparkle

For the past month or so, I’ve fallen prey to a feeling that isn’t homesickness, so much as it is fatigue. I’m tired and want to retreat, to hide away from the seemingly simple things I can’t understand and the basic, easy concepts that I just can’t explain. I’m tired of fighting to find the words, and hearing ones I don’t recognize. No matter how quickly I learn, there’s always more, and the better I get at speaking Thai, paradoxically, the more impatience I meet when there is something I don’t understand. I hate seeing that look, the one that says they’re mistaking a lack of language for a lack of general mental capacity. And I think that, maybe I did that too: that, in impatience, maybe I treated someone as though their inability to express themselves in English meant they had little inside to express at all.

Long time readers will know about the struggle I had getting my ID card here, and then our battle for T’s visa renewal, and now my American passport needs to be renewed from abroad. These all seem like basic things, but then, each time, it’s never nearly as easy as these things should be. Where once it was an adventure and a story to tell, it’s now beginning to feel like we’re under constant attack, fighting a never ending fight for the right to simply be.

In my fatigue, there are times I know I’ve stopped dancing the dance of social niceties and gone straight to honesty, because I just don’t have it in me to dance. My feet hurt, and I’m going to sit this one out simply because I can.

I feel compelled to wrap this up in a tidy bow, to find the sparkle in the ordinary glass of water, and to say something like, “it’s a journey, and maybe the soul just needs a rest,” or maybe “I think I expected to find home, and it turns out I’m still traveling,” or that I need to “buck up, sistah, because there’s lots who’ve got it worse than you.” There’s good. Lots of good, and hopefully my regular readers will know that I see the good too, and feel it in my bones. But right now, at this moment, this is my truth. I’m stripped to essentials, futilely trying to cover the exposed parts with my too-small hands.

…and admitting all that, it feels better already. Saying all that, I think, is exactly what I needed to do to cast off the burden making it too difficult to take the next step.

And so, the next step, I now take. And maybe I found that sparkle after all.

Have you found the bigger picture in a simple moment? Join us at Sarah’s!

a meditation in humility

In quiet moments, I find myself ruminating on humility. Not in those terms, per se, but coming to grips with the very limit of my capacity to determine things, and the folly inherent in trying to control any of them. I am learning a lesson, repeatedly it seems, that I can only till the soil in strategic places and plant little seeds at auspicious times, and hope that with fortuitous weather they grow. But these seeds take more than seasons. They may take years before any buds break free of the dirt, in places I may not be privy to see. I am a farmer, for whom the endeavor must be validation enough.

The more this message seeps into my marrow and bones, the quieter stills my mind. I sip my tea and breathe in the cool air, filling my lungs like water to a vessel.

And perhaps, I realize, I will not forge the road so much as the road reveals itself and forges me.

Giving Thanks, for a Year Survived

On Thanksgiving Day, my husband and I celebrate the mark of one year lived in Asia. We survived! But more than that, we lived. We grew. We thrived.

We learned a new language, and the depths of a culture.

We learned some of our strengths, as well as our limits.

Photo taken by my husband

My husband grew professionally, learning ever more about his field and feeling strong in his opinions and theories about how things should operate…and gaining so many accolades, he’s even caught the attention of head hunters at a big web company I’m not supposed to mention.

Also taken by my husband

(But I guarantee it’s one you know.)

Yes, this is me holding a baby tiger.

And for me, this year has seen the most creative output yet. I blogged my heart out, took photos almost every day, wrote the draft of a book, got into a practice of free writing, and spent the rest of my time trying to inspire at-risk children to discover their own dreams.

All that to say…we’re very happy people. And very lucky.

Did I mention we got a puppy?

Because, yeah, we got ourselves a puppy.

Wishing you all a very wonderful Thanksgiving, and hoping you’re all feeling as blessed as we.

In Gratitude, I Seek Intention: A Renewal

I haven’t been living with intentionality of late. Even when I know how I should act, and how I want to act, I find myself incapable of turning intention into action. Impatience turns my head. Irritation twists my words. Even when I feel gratitude, I don’t exude it. Sometimes I make myself smile in the hopes that my expression will worm its way into my heart and settle me down.

It’s an effort.

Mostly, I think this stems from the fact that in just a week, we’ll have spent a year abroad. First, there are the practical matters: uprooting your entire life and starting anew means a lot of bureaucratic things are up for renewal at the same time. International driving permit renewals, lease renewals, car registration, immigration documents…the list goes on. What was once confusing and nerve-wracking before becomes confusing and nerve-wracking again, and it all takes a lot of effort to sort out.

And then there’s the heart renewal: where you realize you’ve survived a year. One year is ending and another begins. The honeymoon is over and you are no longer new transplants. You don’t make mistakes nearly so often, but when you do goof up, people cut you less slack because you’ve been here longer. You should know better.

But moving to Thailand in the first place was an act of living life with intention. It was a demand we placed upon ourselves to live exactly the life we wanted, not one prescribed for us. And I am grateful for the freedom we have to make such choices. In gratitude, we wanted to make the most of our freedoms. We pushed ourselves out of our comfort zone to remind ourselves exactly who we were when all else was stripped away. We questioned our most basic assumptions and molded a foundation of our own making. We created our blueprint for life.

But that blueprint is not a one-time deal, or we would negate the very action that helped us create it in the first place.

Living with intention is not something you do just once. It’s a habit of thought, a daily challenge for the soul.

So today, one week before our year anniversary of living abroad, I want to renew my vow to live life with intention. In gratitude, I seek to remember the purpose of this day. Let me not turn over the keys to my autopilot. Let me steer my own ship. And when the waters grow rough, let me guide my vessel with a steady hand and leave the waters smoother in my wake.

Join in celebrating this month of gratitude with the Bigger Picture community!
This week, you can find us at Alita’s!

Free Writing my Bigger Picture Moment

This week’s Bigger Picture Moment came in a Free Write I did. Been doing a lot of those lately. Clears the mind, and sometimes…sometimes, you surprise yourself.

I reach out my hand to touch something solid yet invisible. It shimmers, like a thin sheet of waterfall – this wall the color of tears.

It feels cool against the touch and promises a glimpse of the other side. But it remains opaque – this thing I can’t quite see past.

It shines with a soft, tremulous light. It breathes. I test it but dare not pass. Somehow there is comfort in knowing that I am here and it is there and i don’t have to look too closely at the darkness on the other side.

The darkness calls. It whispers. It beckons me to plumb its depths. But I wonder if there are some things better left unknown.

The longer I sit the less I want to get wet. So maybe, maybe I should just…

JUMP.

It’s not so different on the other side of the wall. Only the light that once was behind me warming my back has itself turned opaque.

And there is something comforting about the cool, cool dark.

Join in this week at Lenae’s!

Jade Keller

Tag Archives: Bigger Picture Moment