the road we take

“But his kind will always lose in the end. I know this, and now I know why. Whether it’s wife or nation they occupy, their mistake is the same: they stand still, and their stake moves underneath them….Even a language won’t stand still. A territory is only possessed for a moment in time. They stake everything on that moment, posing for photographs while planting the flag, casting themselves in bronze. Washington crossing the Delaware. The capture of Okinawa. They’re desperate to hang on.

But they can’t. Even before the flagpole begins to peel and splinter, the ground underneath arches and slides forward into its own new destiny. It may bear the marks of boots on its back, but those marks become the possessions of the land. What does Okinawa remember of its fall? Forbidden to make engines of war, Japan made automobiles instead, and won the world. It all moves on.”
The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver, p. 384.

Our politics today make me tired. I’m so bloody tired of hearing the same old diatribes repeated ad nauseam, over and over like wheels on a tired, creaky, aged wagon. They talk and talk and it’s like buzzing in my ears. For they say nothing new and none of it even applies anymore. It feels like they’re talking about Spaceman Spiff, when the rest of us are staring at moldy cheese in an empty refrigerator. They talk in the language of the Cold War, and the rest of us are sharing DVDs with the Japanese and watching You Tube videos coming out of Iran.

We have real problems and real concerns. And they’re still talking ideology. The world doesn’t operate on ideology. It operates in the handshake between neighbors, the crops grown by farmers, and the earthquakes and hurricanes that steal our homes away. Who cares about ideology when you’re staring down the barrel of a gun?

I hear the noise and it makes me tired. I hear the lies and it makes my bones melt. I hear the anger and I feel sorrow.

But when I turn off the noise and look at people, I see a different story. I see people buying produce from local farmers. I see people biking to work. I see people wringing their empty pockets to give to others in need. I see people ignoring corporations, eschewing industry and taking the path less walked. Home schooling. Midwives. Etsy. Blogs. Project 3/50. Interracial marriage. News, products, food, and information home grown and shared neighbor to neighbor.

We throw the pills that cause atrocious side-effects down the drain and we eat better food. This is not a revolution. This is not the masses rising up in revolt. This is the world moving on, like ants marching steadily out from under the boot through the gaps in the platform of the sole.

So you can have your soapbox. Let the potentates feed the lie. Let the corporations write our politicians’ speeches. We’re not listening anymore. Because while you sit there spouting and playing your chess games and lining your pockets while everyone else suffers, one by one, we take the road less traveled by.

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tell it to me tuesdays – an invincible moment

Is it Tuesday already? Where does the time go?! All right, if you’re ready, this Tuesday’s topic is an invincible moment – a time when you felt empowered.
Fist

I equate my first time really feeling empowered with the first powerful epiphany I had. When I was a junior in high school, I had a fabulous AP English teacher, Mrs. Garrity. She was one of those teachers that you always remember, who really sticks with you. In our classes, we used to read literature and then she would hold Socratic seminars. We would all arrange our desks in a circle, and she would prompt us with questions about what we were reading and try to provoke a discussion about it. The questions were always challenging, and we really had to think about how to respond.

But there was one day – I don’t even remember what we were reading at the time…maybe it was Ellison’s Invisible Man or Dorris’ A Yellow Raft in Blue Water…could have been something else entirely – but somehow out of the discussion came an epiphany. It didn’t even happen during the discussion. Something was said in the discussion that stayed with me, and I chewed over it as I walked to my next class. And there in the middle of the crowded hallway, with teens throwing things at each other and friends calling out to each other, I had an epiphany and it was like a flash of heaven and light in my head.

It occurred to me that I didn’t have to do anything at all. There is nothing in life I have to do; everything in life is a choice I make.

We always tell ourselves we have to get good grades, have to get a good job, have to be able to buy or do certain things, have to cross off all the items on our to-do list. And it can be all at once satisfying and exhausting to always be chasing the “have-tos”. But in truth, there is no such thing as “have-to”. Of course, if you want a good job, then you should do well in school. If you want people in your life, you should treat them kindly and with respect. There are boundaries and trade-offs, calculations and proven paths. But everything we do is because there is something we want from having done it, and what we want is worth whatever it is we try to do, or at least, is better than the alternative.

I have to get up in the morning to get to work, because the rewards of being on time are better than the consequences of being late. But I can be late. There’s nothing stopping me but my own will and desire. Sometimes people do things to us we don’t like, or they hurt us in ways that are demeaning and unfair. We can’t help how we feel when they do so, but we can choose how to respond. We can respond with blame and anger in return, or we can choose to respond with honesty, decency and respect. But therein lies the crux of the biscuit: I make a choice.

Realizing that was an incredibly empowering moment for me. I’d been chasing “have-tos” and to suddenly realize that nobody was forcing me, that I alone had the power to determine my actions, and that everything I do comes down to a choice I make…that made me feel powerful.

Nothing in my behavior might really have changed with this realization, but it is “the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high”, which makes for all the difference in the world (Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, 512).

Understanding this also meant taking responsibility for myself, but I would rather accept those consequences, come what may, than choose to allow myself to feel dragged into anything. I choose to be powerful. I choose to be me.

Has there ever been a time you felt powerful? Like you ruled the world for a day, or even just a moment? Tell us about the time when you felt invincible, or at least empowered.

The Rules
I think there is real power in the human voice, as flawed as it may be. And when the voices speak together, when you have a multitude of voices speaking, patterns begin to emerge and there you can begin to understand truth. So in the spirit of the personal narrative, I am hosting a weekly challenge every Tuesday morning, where I will post a topic (ranging from the banal to the intimate) and ask readers to respond. I would love to see everyone’s answers and how similar and different they all are.

You can respond in any way you choose. You can give a fictional response or a true one. You can use words, sentences, and/or photographs. If you have a blog, you can link it with Mr. Linky below. Please be sure to include “Tell It To Me Tuesdays” in the title, and link back to this post. Feel free to use the “Tell It To Me Tuesday” button available to the right. If you don’t have a blog, but want to join in, you can just leave a comment. Please follow the rules. I don’t want to have to delete links. I like links! Don’t make me delete them.

Next week’s challenge: Complete this sentence: “Sometimes I….”
TITMT

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giving a child the chance to learn

PlanThis Christmas, my husband and I received an amazing gift: a chance to help a child. My husband’s father set us up with the sponsorship of a little 5 year old girl in Laos. Her name is Boun, but for her safety, I won’t post a picture of her online (thus the picture of the information packet we received). Through this program, Plan USA, we send an annual amount of money and it goes towards her education and well-being until she is 18.

It’s a fabulous sponsorship program. The children who benefit from this program are all in underdeveloped countries and they’ve been voluntarily enrolled by their families to be the beneficiaries, should a sponsor come along. The contribution dollars go towards literacy programs, initiatives to end violence against children or child trafficking, health services in rural areas, HIV/AIDS counseling where applicable, livelihood training…and the list goes on. All of it is geared towards empowering the beneficiaries to lift themselves out of poverty and towards creating sustainable development in some of the more impoverished parts of the world.

It’s not an adoption; she still lives with her family. We’re just offering financial support on her behalf. And while the sponsorship lasts, we can exchange letters with her and even arrange to visit her.

It’s an amazing feeling being in direct contact with a stranger you can help. We’ve given donations to disaster relief like in Haiti and after the tsunami in Asia in 2004, and we also participate in micro-lending programs. But those are much more anonymous. Being able to actually see the child we’re helping and write letters to her and read her letters in return makes the whole thing so much more personal and immediate.

We just sent our first letter to her. (And by ‘just sent’, I mean we did it a week ago, but I’m just that far behind on my blog posts…) I can’t wait to get a letter back. I wonder who will translate for her. I wonder what she will think when she sees our letters and photos. I wonder how long before she can read our letters all by herself. I wonder what her letters will say…a year from now…ten years from now.

There’s a lot in this world I feel I don’t have a whole lot of power over. It’s nice feeling that we can do something at least that makes a little bit of difference to someone.

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confession

The past year has been a little rough on me. It was the first year of my husband’s and my marriage, which while blissful, is a transition. But add on top of that another shift for me: I had decided to take the year off of teaching to focus on getting my dissertation research done. I was in the data collection phase, which required doing a lot of interviews and observations “in-the-field”, thus requiring a flexible schedule that teaching just did not allow. We’re very fortunate that my husband makes enough for us to afford me not having a salary for a year without too much financial strife.

But I did feel a heavy, heavy emotional burden. In ways I didn’t even articulate to myself, I felt I was a burden. My husband didn’t do anything to cause this per se. This was guilt I put on myself. Since leaving my parents’ home, I’ve always brought in my own salary. Through college, I weaned myself off their financial support and slowly built up my own financial independence. Money isn’t important to me, but somehow the fact that I make money for myself meant a great deal to me. It meant I was independent, strong, capable, responsible. It made me feel good about myself (or at least contributed to my sense of self-worth).

But this year of not only not making money, but also incurring student loan debt on top of that as I finish my degree, made me feel like an incredible financial burden. And in ways I didn’t totally articulate in my head, I tried to “make up for it” by doing more around the house: more than my share of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, washing dishes…to “earn my keep”. Trouble was, it’s not like I wasn’t working at all. I was still working on my research, writing, and keeping a fairly full schedule…and then doing all the household work on top of it.

My mom and my husband’s stepmom both saw something was afoot and warned me several times that in marriage you can’t think of money as “his money” or “her money”, but as “our money”. But none of this really made an impression on me. I agreed, but that did nothing to assuage my feelings of guilt that I wasn’t putting in my fair share. And because I didn’t feel I was putting in my share, I cut back on as much of my extra expenses as I could: I stopped getting haircuts, I stopped wearing more than a minimum of makeup, I stopped going to yoga, and so on. Meanwhile, my husband freely bought the things he wanted (within reason, of course). If there was something he knew I wanted, he had no problem buying it for me (so generous, I thought in my head). And so he believed his wife wanted for nothing. Except that if I had a desire for something, I had to ask him to help me buy it: in essence, I had to ask his permission. So on top of the guilt feelings, I also had a deep sense of male patriarchy and inequality in our relationship.

Even after I started teaching again, I kept up the patterns that had started to develop. And that’s when the burden really began to add up. I became grumpy, disenchanted, and positively sour. A serious expression was my default face. My husband’s stepmom even tried to offer to help out financially so I wouldn’t have to teach…because she could see I was changing. I wasn’t the same person anymore. My parents started getting concerned. Finally, over Christmas, my mom had me watch a film called “The Human Face” with John Cleese (if you have Netflix, you should really look it up – it’s fascinating, funny, and less than an hour long). This film was all about how our facial expressions have subconscious effects on our relationships. She said I always used to smile, and she wanted me to watch this because I’d lost my smile.

I didn’t think very directly about all this after watching the film, but I know something was happening underneath. I’d finally had enough of my self-imposed burden. Shortly after the new year, I talked to my husband about it. We talked it through and he simply said I cannot and should not feel guilty, that this is what marriage is about, it’s sharing, and it’s helping each other when we need help and not feeling like we owe each other like tallies on a tally sheet. I don’t know if it was what he said, or if I was just finally ready to hear it, but ever since then, I haven’t felt guilty and I haven’t felt unequal. And we’ve reasserted fair shares of the household chores back to the way we used to do it.

And I’m making greater efforts to smile, and discovering my smile comes back easily again.

I think this speaks partly to the new generation of feminism: figuring out the proper roles, since they are no longer defined for us. Before society told us what was fair and what duties belonged to whom. Now we have to negotiate that for ourselves. It gives us greater freedom, on both sides in a way, but with freedom comes the need for communication and negotiation. Part of the negotiation is with our partners in life, and part of it is with ourselves, so that we can let go the burdens we try to carry, even when they’re too much, even when they’re of our own making.

What have I learned from this?

Marriage Lesson #1: Learn to share, and that sharing means knowing how to give and to receive.

Life Lesson #3,486: Sometimes we smile because we feel happy. Sometimes we smile in order to feel happy.

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tell it to me tuesday – another life for a day

If you could have a different life for just one day, what would it be like? Would you be a mountaineer? A rockstar? A musician? Someone else you know, whose life you wish you had?
corsica1

I have two answers for this one. If I were a slightly different person, I’d want a life where I traveled the world for a living, perhaps working for National Geographic or The Lonely Planet, writing exposes on different peoples and cultures. There’s a part of me that always wished I had the cajones to live a life like that. But you have to have more than the average gusto to not only negotiate a viable career out of that, but also to live like that. As much as I love travel, I don’t love to be a woman traveling in foreign countries on my own. I have done it and can do it, but I prefer a traveling companion for both the security and the company. I know some women, even friends of mine, who have scampered through dangerous parts of Afghanistan all by their onesies. I give mad props to them. But I’d need to be a different person for a day for that.

But assuming I’m the same old me, I would love to live somewhere along the Mediterranean coast, perhaps even on Sicily or Corsica. I’d live in a little flat where I could soak up the sun and plant a little herb garden. I’d write all day long on my terrace or in a cafe, and be blissfully secluded from the hubbub of cities unless I felt the urge to visit one. My little life would be sanctuary.

What life would you live for a day?

The Rules
I think there is real power in the human voice, as flawed as it may be. And when the voices speak together, when you have a multitude of voices speaking, patterns begin to emerge and there you can begin to understand truth. So in the spirit of the personal narrative, I am hosting a weekly challenge every Tuesday morning, where I will post a topic (ranging from the banal to the intimate) and ask readers to respond. I would love to see everyone’s answers and how similar and different they all are.

You can respond in any way you choose. You can give a fictional response or a true one. You can use words, sentences, and/or photographs. If you have a blog, you can link it with Mr. Linky below. Please be sure to include “Tell It To Me Tuesdays” in the title, and link back to this post. If you don’t have a blog, but want to join in, you can just leave a comment. Please follow the rules. I don’t want to have to delete links. I like links! Don’t make me delete them.

Next week’s challenge: Favorite house items
What household items could you not live without? Do you have a go-to brand of cleaner? A cooking utensil you’d grab if the house were on fire? What household good helps you turn your house into your home?

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women unbound – queen bees and wannabes

queenbeesWhat? Two posts in one day? Two Women Unbound posts in one week? What’s going on here? Actually, this post is totally impromptu – I just finished reading a book I happened to come across a reference of, had to read it asap, and was SO ENTHRALLED by it the entire time reading it, I just had to post about it immediately.  And I would say any parent with a daughter over the age of about 7 MUST READ THIS BOOK.

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman is a parent’s guide, but it is a perfect candidate for Women Unbound because it is all about empowerment: empowering young girls to navigate the murky, dramatic, and sometimes crippling waters of adolescent life and still learn how to treat herself and others with decency and respect.

I say this book is a must read because, quite honestly, and as the book makes clear, the world of adolescents today is a different beast than even in my day and most certainly in my parent’s generation. Adolescence, as much as we might cringe to acknowledge, is starting at younger and younger ages because kids have all kinds of social and media pressures to act older – which is problematic because they’re still just learning moral guideposts, but they’re faced with more and more situations where they have to figure out for themselves what the right course of action is within the confines of the very rigid and demanding framework of rules of their social world. And nothing has had more of an impact on their world than technology. When we were kids, if rumors were spread about us, it was by word of mouth. Now, when kids spread gossip about each other, it’s across the school and on the internet in seconds. If a girl takes a picture of her breasts with her cell phone and sends it to a boy she likes, hoping it’ll make him like her, there’s little stopping him from sending it to all his friends or for any of them from emailing it to all the other kids in school, who can all then call her a slut as they pass her in hallways. These kids are on Facebook or other social media sites, often with multiple accounts knowing their parents check one, and they’re very susceptible to “trolling” and acting online in ways you never would in person.

And it’s frustrating for parents or others who are trying to be good role models for these kids because it’s an age when the kids are trying to pull away from their parents. They alternate, sometimes without any apparent rhyme or reason, between being insecure and needing your hugs and rolling their eyes at you and treating you like you’re the biggest jerk ever. Ironically, I found it actually comforting that it’s completely normal to have moments where you really just DO NOT LIKE this kid and wonder how your sweet, wonderful daughter turned into this crazy person overnight. And it’s not just your kid…it’s pretty much every kid. Because whether they’re the Queen Bee, the Torn Bystander, or the socially outcast Target, they all have some role to play in their world. They all do something that maintains or challenges the social order and their actions affect their relationships with other kids AND what they learn about intimate relationships that can have repercussions throughout their lives. Even if their daily actions don’t, they will almost inevitably face moments where they will have to make critical decisions. And they bring that baggage home with them and it affects their moods and how they deal with family and others.

We’re all familiar with this because we all lived through this before too. But I think the reason this book is so helpful is because Wiseman (who is an educator who spent over a decade compiling observations and talking to a wide range of girls and boys and having them look over her drafts to ensure accuracy) helps explain things in the framework of the logic of the girl’s world. We, as adults, usually forget how this logic works because we’ve grown up. We see things with an adult perspective and respond in kind. In a certain sense, having an adult perspective means you see some things more clearly than your daughter does – and so you wonder why she puts up with it when others treat her like crap, or when she is the one being bossy or judgmental when you certainly didn’t raise her to be that kind of person. But sometimes our knee-jerk reactions (like when we say “Just ignore it” or “They’re just jealous of you”) don’t make sense in the framework of their logic and so are ineffective strategies.

And what is extra amazing about this book is that at the end of each section, Wisemen takes a moment to have parents reflect on their own experiences as adolescents and whether those experiences are informing how parents are acting as role models. It made me really reflect on some of my more formative experiences. For example, I think one of the biggest experiences happened to me in high school – and I didn’t even really recognize how big of an impact it had on me at the time; only with hindsight do I see its effects. In my junior year, I developed a crush on a friend (we’ll call him Daniel) and I found out he liked me too. But before anything happened between us, I went to Washington, DC for a week (it’s amazing how much can happen in a week when you’re a teenager) through an extracurricular school program, and when I came back I discovered after much drama and a flurry of back-and-forth phone calls that my friend (we’ll call her Alice) had gotten jealous and decided she liked Daniel too. And Daniel liked her back. And Daniel (oh, aren’t boys so sweet?), caught in the middle, came up and told me he liked both of us and wanted to date both of us simultaneously.

I was like, “Fuuuuuuuck no.” (Pardon my French.) Actually, I didn’t cuss him out. I just told him that if that was how he felt, he and Alice could just have each other. I was NOT going to be involved in that. I’m glad I stood up for myself and didn’t let him use me that way. But the whole experience did have a very dramatic impact on my ability to trust girl friends after that. And it was a long time before I could really develop female friendships with other girls that were really based on equality, trust, and mutual respect.

So it helps to think through what our own emotional baggage might be, to see how that might color the kind of guidance we give as role models.

And the key, fundamental guidepost behind the strategies Wiseman offers (that have been checked and approved by adolescents themselves as being helpful) is a core commitment to decency and respect – and giving kids the tools they need to act with that commitment in mind in a way that makes sense to them.

Does this meet any of your experiences? For those of you with adolescent daughters, have you had times where you were just at your wits’ end about how to guide her? Have you found her or her friends doing mean things over text message or the internet? Or has she been a target of such meanness? Do you have grade school experiences that have shaped you?

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10 years…don’t they go by in a blink?

It’s ironic. I recently posted about being addicted to technology. Yet, even though I packed my ball and chain, the minute I left home for the holidays, I became suddenly physically incapable of going anywhere near my laptop. I thought about blog posts. I glanced in the direction of Facebook. But I just. could. not. bring. myself. to get anywhere near the vicinity of any of it. (And I had all these lovely plans of sending holiday greetings too…)

But then, as I was scanning through the 80 million unread blog posts in my Google reader, I came across one that hit me over the head. When we celebrate a New Year this year, it’s not just a year…it’s a DECADE. Crap. I still remember Y2K like it was a week ago! So I just could not NOT post about it.
decade

A decade…what has happened in a decade?

In a decade, I have graduated from college, found a career path that interested me – until it didn’t once I’d figured it out. I went back to school, got my Master’s, passed two grueling exams and a prospectus defense and started writing a dissertation. I’ve written a 400-page novel. Or at least the first draft of one. I’ve started a second career path that has challenged me, then stumbled across one that grabbed me by the throat and consumed me until I couldn’t breathe except for when I’m in it.

In a decade, I ended a relationship with a man I cared for SO MUCH…but just didn’t love. I fell in love with a man I had no intention of ever falling in love with. I found THE ONE, then we lost each other. And after traversing a whirlwind abyss, we found each other again. I married the man of my heart and together, we created a home of our own. A sanctuary. A place where we both are safe – and a foundation of strength for dealing with whatever else comes our way.

In a decade, I’ve found myself. Repeatedly. I’ve been an artist, a dancer, a yogi, a teacher, a writer…maybe even a photographer? I’m always a student. Even when I’m not in school, I’m a student of life. And more and more I begin to think the really important things you learn aren’t always in classrooms.

I’ve changed my mind about women’s issues and race. I’ve stopped seeking friends because I needed their approval, and I’ve started choosing and keeping friends because they are special people I feel lucky to have in my life. I’ve been illuminated and disillusioned. I’ve flown to foreign and distant lands, and seen things that are not of this world. And yet I’ve also become more connected to home, family, roots, and heritage.

In just one decade, I have seen the best of mankind – and the worst. And still, there is more to come.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
- Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

I have a bevy of blog posts saved up, including: one covering my holidays which I’ll post just as soon as we return home and (long story short) I can get pictures of it uploaded, one showcasing a new addition to my blog for the new year, and a new entry for Women Unbound. In the meantime, I wish everyone a fabulous New Year and Decade!

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addicted

phonesTime for a confession. Do any of the following statements apply to you?

I check my email several times throughout the day.
I have multiple email accounts and check all of them every time I check my email.
I check my Facebook, Myspace, Twitter or other social networking sites several times throughout the day.
I check it multiple times an hour if I’ve posted something, to see how others responded.
I’m actually logged into Facebook, Myspace, or Twitter constantly throughout the day.
When I feel my phone buzz with a text message, I can’t NOT look at it, even if I’m doing something else important.
I have very defined rules in my head about text message and voicemail etiquette and get really ticked off if someone violates those rules.
In my spare time (i.e., not time counting work, eating, or sleeping), I often spend more hours in front of a computer than away from it.
I often find cause to check out something online or on my iPhone when I’m out spending time with friends or family.
Even if I want to put the computer away for a while, I keep on coming up with things to check online.
I find it difficult not to talk on the cell phone when I’m driving.

If you said yes to any of the above, you might just be…

…exactly like me. Addicted to technology. And even more specifically, addicted to social media technology. I actually hate talking on the phone, so the phone is less of a problem, but sometimes I do find it difficult to put the computer away. But I honestly don’t even consider myself that bad about it. I still spend a lot of time with friends and family where I don’t so much as even give a thought towards any of the stuff, I read books often, I rarely watch TV (though I do watch movies regularly), and most importantly, I have the ability to turn it all off. I practice yoga, and one of the mantras you learn in yoga is to be present.

BE present.

It seems simple, but it’s often a difficult thing to do these days. Nevertheless, I believe very strongly in it and have tried to cultivate a habit out of it. Too often I thought so much about tomorrow, I forgot to enjoy today. But we never know how many todays we have, so each day, I try to be as mindful about what I’m doing in the present, instead of letting myself become preoccupied with something outside the moment.

But I’m of a generation where these technologies are new-fangled amusements. I might be diverted by them, but I’m not dependent upon them. I was largely resistant to getting a cell phone, and only did so when it became much cheaper to keep in contact with people far away than it was with the regular phone. The question is, what about the next generations? The ones who grow up living and breathing these technologies. It’s becoming a problem in the classroom. It used to be we had to yell at students for letting their phones ring in class. It used to be that if we saw them text messaging, we could give them a stern look, they’d feel guilty and put the god-forsaken things away and refocus their attention in class. Not anymore. They know to keep everything on silent, but that doesn’t stop them from still clinging to their machines. They have no concept that we can even see them fiddling with their phones. When we give them a stern look, they have no shame and don’t seem to realize they need to stop with the texting and put their mind back on the work at hand. They simply can’t NOT text. More and more now, they don’t know how to be present in the moment, nor do they grasp the idea that texting someone while somebody else is talking to you might be considered rude. So not only is their attention diverted away from learning, social etiquette is going out the window too.

The problem of addiction to technological diversions really came home to me when I heard an NPR podcast on the subject of new teenage drivers. These kids have grown up in an age where they always had their gameboys and whatever else to occupy them in the backseat of the car while their parents drove them around town or on longer road trips. They were playing video games and watching movies, not watching lane lines or license plates, or counting how many cars you’ve passed. They grew up being distracted and kept quiet by digital media. They did not grow up with the driving experience. They have no experience of what it is to drive and be focused solely on the task of driving.

California recently passed a law banning cell phone use while driving. At first, pretty much everyone obeyed the law. But less than a year later, it’s becoming common place to see someone pull off a stupid move – and lo, and behold – they’re on the phone. And of all the people I’ve seen do this, almost all of them have been under the age of 25. Nonrandom sample, I know. But there is probably some truth to it. Because while everyone else has grown up with at least some portion of their lives unattached to these doohickeys, these kids haven’t been. And as the speaker in the NPR podcast pointed out, these kids already have high accident rates. The last thing they need is another distraction while they’re hurtling a 2,500-pound hunk of metal at 80 mph down the highway.

Am I making sweeping generalizations here? Yes. Are there a lot of positive benefits to these technologies? Definitely. Can these kids put their phones away if they really wanted to? Probably. But does that mean we should just ignore all this? I think not. I just think it’s important to not only learn how to use them, but also learn how to put them down when it matters.

It’s important to remember to take a moment and just BE. Here. Now.

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you capture – sunrise/sunset

youcapture_sunset1In the era before the birth of Christ, and before the emergence of Islam, the ancient Persians used to believe that all of the world’s existence was engaged in a mighty cosmic battle between good and evil. In this battle, the sun god, Ahura Mazda, a god of truth, goodness and the light who was said to have created all life, fights against Ahriman*, the spirit of darkness, of lies and evil.

youcapture_sunset6The two were destined to wage a war against each other through the millennia, and the earth was to be their battlefield. Ahura Mazda claimed guardianship over a host of angels, while Ahriman led an army of demons.

youcapture_sunset5Though the battle is said to last for centuries upon centuries through the ages, it was believed that in the end, Ahura Mazda would prevail.

youcapture_sunset4But in the meantime, all creatures on earth would participate in this battle, humans included. And each person had to make a choice. Each person must choose between the truth and the lie.

youcapture_sunset2Each day and night represented part of this cosmic battle. In the morning, Ahura Mazda would rise victorious, to fall each night into the hands of Ahriman. But each morning, he would rise again victorious.

Sometimes the time of Ahriman seems long and full of pain and fear.
youcapture_sunset3But sometimes that experience helps us appreciate more deeply each day that the truth, the goodness, and the light rises again.

For more captures of the rising and setting of the sun, see what other You Capture participants have come up with at I Should Be Folding Laundry.

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*Or alternatively called Angra Mainyu (from which our word “anger” derives)
P.S. I hope it’s clear I mean this as a historical metaphor, not as a promotion of religious beliefs, though these beliefs do survive even to this day amongst the Zoroastrians. So I hope it does not offend; it is not meant to.

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addressed to anonymous

sidewalksceneHave you ever left things unsaid? Is there anything you wish you could say, but haven’t, or someone you wish you could talk to, but can’t? What if you had the chance to change that?

There is a new blog called “Addressed to Anonymous” that tries to deal with this very thing. As the blog author explains:
“Yesterday I had a lot of emotions I wanted to purge. I wrote them and sealed them in a letter, but had no where to send it to. So I got to thinking…what if there was somewhere to send that letter anonymously. Some place to put it out into the universe and maybe even to get response (not from the intended recipient, but from someone who could relate or just wanted to provide comfort and wisdom). Out of this I started a new idea/blog/community share site. Addressed to Anonymous. What do you have to say that you can’t or just haven’t? Who would you write a letter to if it could be anonymous? Don’t tell me on here…start writing the letter.”

Do you have something to purge? If so, maybe it would help to send an anonymous letter out into the ether. You never know. Even the process of writing the letter alone can be profoundly cathartic.

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