Life Around the Bend

IMG_0615Around the time I decided to change up my approach to blogging, I made some other adjustments that really brought me so much relief and renewed focus. I’ve been working at finding creative ways to contribute more to SOLD now that my life has changed with the onset of motherhood. I’m working from home, and with a baby, I just can’t travel back and forth the way I used to. Last year, that meant cutting way back on things I could do for SOLD. But now that Cy is getting older and (dare I say it?) marginally easier, I find myself confronting a gnawing desire to contribute more and feel more productive.

IMG_0785One change I made is I’ve devised tasks for myself that I can do from my phone when Cy is napping. I do a lot more scholarly research now and save notes to myself that I can then type up into memos to share with the staff to help everyone keep up on the latest news and knowledge.

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Another change I’ve made is I’ve gotten a lot more unapologetic about using whatever resources are at my disposal to make my job easier and more efficient. Instead of fighting with crappy tools, I looked around and found iPhone apps that streamline what I do. Instead of spending days and weeks of my time carefully (and often incorrectly) trying to translate my work into Thai, I’ve decided to put up the cash to hire a translator. There are seasons for trying to do everything yourself. This, for me, is just not one of them.

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And I’ve consciously decided to feel less guilty about having hired help around the house. Can I clean the house myself? Yes. Do I want to? No. Is my life more efficient, focused, and productive when I can outsource that task? Yes. Do I like having someone up in my business all the time? Not really. Do I like having a clean house and not being the one to do it? Heck yes.

I used to wait for opportune moments. I did a lot of waiting. My new mantra in life: Do what it takes to Get It Done.

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Of course, just as I got into a lovely pattern and flow, feeling focused, centered, and productive, creating several memos for SOLD that the staff seemed very happy to have, cooking more fresh and healthy foods at home, keeping our house nice and clean, and still managing to be with Cy to meet his needs….I had to let our maebaan (housekeeper/nanny) go.

It’s a long story, one in which I basically was really having trouble trusting her. The death knell in our relationship, however, came when I found her playing at dangling Cy and swinging him playfully out over the edge of our 2nd story balcony. I’m sure she thinks it was just a dumb mistake.  For me, ugh, I don’t even want to talk or think about it anymore. She’s gone. We need to find someone else. That’s about the sum of it.

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I’m taking on a lot more nowadays, and I’m tired at the end of it, but it’s a good feeling. It’s good to feel that I’m contributing to SOLD again, and it’s good to feel like I’m not torn in too many different directions. Before I felt like I was spinning my wheels more often than not. Now I feel like I’ve got things more in line.

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In the meantime, Cy has been great. He just gets to be more and more fun as he gets older. We had a blast visiting the islands, he was a stellar traveller as we schlepped him all over the country, and it’s just so fun to watch his personality develop. I feel our relationships with him are only blossoming deeper, and I feel like all the hard work of the first year is really paying off.

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This week he hit a bit of a rough patch, however, and has suddenly started banging his head against the floor when upset. Things that upset him today include:

- me telling him he shouldn’t eat vegetables that are still frozen
- me telling him he shouldn’t bang his head on the floor
- banging his head on the floor
- me not letting him startle Dot by stomping on her while she’s sleeping, and
- me being unable to carry him AND the water tank I needed to put on top of our water cooler

I think he’s teething. And he’s probably grumpy because he has a stuffy, runny nose from the poor air quality thanks to smoky season. And also he’s a toddler.

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On the plus side, his spoken vocabulary seems to be exploding. In about a week, the number of words he can say has more than doubled. He can’t pronounce the ending consonants so he calls tuk tuks “thoo thoo” and eggs are “E!” But he can say things like mama and papa, Dottles, bubble, hot, door, choo choo (train), google (logo), and a few different animal sounds.

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I used to think balance was an elusive concept when you throw family into the mix. I’m starting to think maybe we don’t always get it in any given moment, but that maybe it just comes more broadly over time.

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Island Escape: Koh Chang

* I tried to post this last week, but the internet here is beyond slow and I couldn’t upload any of the pictures. I had to find a bar to get the pictures to upload–which I suppose isn’t such a travesty! (wink, wink)

It’s that time of year again: when the mountains of Chiang Mai can no longer be seen, when everyone starts coughing and the eyes start burning, and when we are finally motivated to get out of town. It’s smoky season. The local farmers start burning the brush because it helps cultivate the soil for mushrooms to pop up that they can then go collect and sell. It’s an important part of their yearly income, but it means bad health for everyone in the region.

Because we now have a baby’s health to consider, when the air starts getting bad, we make the effort to get out of town and go somewhere safer. This is our second year that we’ve taken the opportunity to get down to the islands.

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It’s funny that it takes the prospect of sore lungs to get us to head down south. Every year we wonder why we don’t do this sooner.

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In the meantime, if you need us, we’ll be busy being beach bums!

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The internet is kind of crap down here, so if you want to follow along, join me on Instagram!

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A Trip to a Favorite Temple: Wat Pa Laad

IMG_0583There’s a famous temple on a hilltop here in Chiang Mai called Doi Suthep. It’s where all the tourists go, climbing innumberable steps to the summit to look down on the city below, bypassing peddlers and tourist traps, scammers, and stray dogs all along the way. It’s a temple, and about as commercial as it gets.

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What most people don’t know is that just a few kilometers below Doi Suthep is another temple: Wat Palad. It’s as serene and tranquil as you’d expect of a serious meditation retreat.

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You can hike up to it, and encounter the beautiful waterfall at the summit, or you can drive straight to it (as we like to do because we are lazy).

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Almost no one but monks is ever there, so you’re free to traipse over the ancient grounds and explore the hidden treasures without anyone accosting you and asking for money.

A well for drawing water

A well for drawing water

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Cy traipsing after his grand aunt, Yai Nee

Cy traipsing after his grand aunt, Yai Nee

It’s worth a visit if you’re ever in the area!

Little by Little



Gratitude

Feeling thankful for great dads. A present father is such a gift.

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A little thing. But such a big, big thing too. This weekend I encountered the difference between a child loved and a child who had grown up unloved, and it was like seeing a treasure and a treasure destroyed. It made me more aware than ever the intense need children have for love, respect, and acknowledgment–and more determined than ever that when my little one acts out, I should respond with compassion. True for big people too, though they’re often better at hiding it.

Things I Love About Cy:

The other day, he asked me what a kiss was. I had kissed him on his hand, so he pointed to his hand and said, “Da?” “Hand,” I said. “Da?” “Hand,” I repeated. When he kept asking, I realized he wanted to know what I had done to his hand. So I said, “Kiss.” “Ahhh,” he said.

Cy doesn’t pronounce final consonants on words. So when it came to saying the word “egg,” he squints his eyes, grits his teeth, and yells, “E!”

Little by Little



Because Baby Goats

One of the perks of being able to be home with Cy is that when he has those not-so-good days, I can try to pop out with him into the city and go do something special. Yesterday, he hadn’t been sleeping well and he had been fighting frustrations with not being able to talk–which, frankly, living in a foreign country and not always being able to say what you want to say, is something I completely understand. Come evening time, I really thought it would be better to get out of the house and go on an adventure.

So we took him to the Night Safari and fed the animals.

We fed the deer.

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And the giraffes.

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And the goats! Because baby goats make everyone happy.

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Cy is always unafraid to get right up there with the animals. Feeding them turned around his mood like nothing else. The air was crisp and cool in the evening after a hot day, and there was plenty of space to run around and burn off excess energy. And there was ice cream.

All in all, I’d call it a successful excursion. (And excluding food cost us all of $5.)

Things I Love About Cy

I realized I haven’t been adding this onto the bottom of my momma chat posts lately, so I hope you’ll indulge me in sharing a few extra.

- Every time we go out, he knows I need to wear shoes, so he runs to get mine and bring them to me to put on.

- His new favorite word is “Ew!,” which he says every time we change a poopy diaper, his feet get muddy, he touches something gross, or sees a dirty street dog.

- His new favorite letter is D. Toby found an app that teaches toddlers the alphabet and when they got to the letter D, Cy exclaimed, “D!” We were so excited – until he got to the next letter and said, “D!” And the letter after that, and the letter after that. Well, he’s got one letter down anyway.

- He’s meticulous and fastidious. If a little bit of water spills on my lap, he’ll try to wipe it away.

- He’s learned to say owl and he says it was such exuberance. “OW-wull!”

That’s it for this week! Join us at Communal Global and Little Things Thursday!

Little by Little



The Hunt for a Nanny Part IV: the Liaison

_1080069If you’ve been following our saga in finding a nanny (catch up on Part I, Part 2, and Part 3 here), I first want to thank everyone for their support and commiseration with the whole process, and for validating my instincts. It’s definitely nice to know I’m not alone in this, or crazy for having maybe high or specific expectations.

Anyway, thankfully, I really haven’t been alone in this process — I’ve found an amazing and important advocate in the agency who put us in touch with our nanny in the first place. The owner and founder, Kristi, came for a house visit yesterday and I shared my concerns with her. Not only was she sympathetic and understanding, she was also incredibly practical. She brought a Thai assistant with her, and together, they had a private conversation with our nanny to give her a chance to share her own concerns and perspective and to provide a safe place where they could more clearly outline what I’m looking for and hoping for.

I can’t even begin to tell you what an immediate and effective difference it made. After Kristi left, I took Pii On and Cy out for a long walk, in which I could spend time showing her more of Cy’s interests, explain his efforts to communicate, and let her get used to our dynamic. By the end of an hour, he was able to play with her for extended periods. I got things done that have been sitting on my to-do list, eating away at my nerves for weeks. He began to look for her. He was happy. He had a fantastic day, and so did we.

There are still a couple of small wrinkles to iron out, like maybe she could nip it with the unsolicited parenting advice, and she’s so raring to go with him she gets a little pushy, and I’m hoping she’ll learn to trust me that things will go much better with Cy if I fill him up with food and mama time first before going to play. But these are comparatively such tiny things, and definitely fixable, and the huge difference in just one day is plenty of hope to go on to give these other things a pass and have faith that it will all turn into one well-oiled machine soon enough. And major kudos to Pii On for being so flexible and willing to hear critique and act on it.

It seems like such a little thing: a little fracture in communication and understanding, but it could have easily and quickly destroyed the relationship, and the simple addition of a friendly liaison to act as an advocate for the relationship, to make sure both sides are happy and well-understood. But such a huge impact. It makes me think, especially when there’s a big class, language, or cultural divide, or even the simple divide created by trying to be polite, there are so many relationships that can be cut off too quickly, or jobs too quickly lost, despite best intentions on both sides. Having an agent bridge the gap is so incredibly valuable, and I’m so thankful for ours.

If you’re ever in Chiang Mai and are in need of a housekeeper or nanny, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with Kristi, from Bliss.

Little by Little

The Hunt for a Nanny Part 3: Pii On

couchCyBack in November, I contacted an agency that helps place maebaans (a term used for housekeepers and nannies), requesting someone who could help out with Cy for a few hours a day. After two months without any luck finding anyone (it turns out maebaans only want full-time work and they don’t want to drive more than 10 minutes to get there), I agreed to having someone come full time, with the idea being that she would also take care of the house.

Enter Pii On. She sounded great on paper (speaks English, has her own transportation, 7 years experience working with a foundation for kids), and she seemed bright and happy during the interview.

The agency provides a 2-day training session for the maebaans, after which there would be a 30-day trial period. Since we needed help immediately, we agreed to have her come help us finish unpacking, clean, and shadow me with Cy for 2 weeks until the next available training session, after which the trial period would officially begin.

We’ve just had the first 2 weeks with her and the first week went amazing. She did to this house in just a few days what would have taken me months to accomplish. She didn’t wait for direction; she just saw what needed to be done and did it. She goes above and beyond duty: she shows up early and leaves late, and though we provide her lunch every day, she never eats it until we’ve eaten first, even when sometimes I don’t get a chance to eat until closer to 2 or 3 pm. I couldn’t thank her enough for the load she lifted off my shoulders. I was really able to focus on being with Cy, without being torn in a million directions with other responsibilities.

The second week went okay…but a few odd things started to crop up. I noticed that though she said she speaks English I actually haven’t heard this happen, which is okay, but will complicate Cy being able to understand her. Her listening skills aren’t that great, which I think is because she sometimes has an idea in her head about what she thinks you’re saying instead of hearing what you’re actually saying. Occasionally she makes some comments that are vaguely offensive, but given my non-perfect Thai, I can’t really tell if she means to insult or if she’s kind of just tactless. And though she’s generally super conscientious, there are times like when I needed to stop by the grocery store after taking her and Cy to play at a playground, and she decided, without asking, to make a stop at the bank, which was okay except that her errand didn’t go well and ended up taking a really long time and involved going to a different bank–at which point, if I personally was in that situation, on my boss’s time, I would have either asked permission first or given up and gone on my own time–and ended up leaving me standing in the hot sun with a tired and cranky Cy, wondering what the heck was going on.

And I’ve been trying to give her time to play with Cy so they can get used to each other so that she can take him for a couple of hours a day, but things just haven’t been going smoothly. I kind of feel like she isn’t super interested in hanging out with Cy. She does play with him a bit, but she seems more interested in doling out unsolicited parenting advice to me than in finding out who Cy is as a person. And this past week, it has felt to me like she kind of hides upstairs, taking care of the most minute details, down to ironing our underwear, instead of hanging out with Cy and me.

BUT it could be that I’m not as inviting as I should be and that my reservedness is subtly sabotaging her ability to connect with him and me. It’s just, she’s got a bit of a salty personality that I find it not so easy to get along with. I think the little oddities have gotten my guard up, and I’m a bit turned off by the way she talks sometimes. The thing is, in Thai, when you speak in a low class way, it comes across as offensive–much more so than in English–but is that her fault, if that’s maybe the way she was raised or the only way she knows how to speak?

This wouldn’t be such an issue if she was just an employee because in many ways she’s a great worker. But as a maebaan, she is going to be more than that. She is being invited into many of the most private parts of our lives. Our whole house & home are open to her, as is Cy, and if I bring her with me when I go on trips to Chiang Rai for SOLD, then I’m going to be spending a LOT of time with her. More than an employee, she would be part of the family. And I wonder, if I don’t fully like her, will I ever fully trust her? It’s a question separate from how trustworthy she actually is; it’s about my capacities and limitations as a person too.

I’m trying to be self-aware about this, and in this 30-day trial period, I’m going to try my hardest to lower my guard and invite her in as much as possible and see what she does with it. Maybe this is just one more of those opportunities for me to grow and learn. We’ll see how it goes.

**If you missed them, you can read The Hunt for a Nanny Part I here and Part 2 here.



The Hunt for a Nanny Part 2: Daycare

So I was going to do a post about the details of our new house to satisfy the people who have been clamoring for more pictures…but our house just isn’t ready yet. Almost. A few more details to settle, and then I won’t be as embarrassed to show you what we’ve cobbled together in the past month.

Imagine we've hung the wood mandalas and that the chalkboard is painted a darker shade...

Imagine we’ve hung the wood mandalas and that the chalkboard is painted a darker shade…

So I’ll continue with the story about trying to find some help around this place so I can finish moving in, so I can not have to get up in the middle of the dang night to write these blog posts, so I can have just a little bit more breathing room to relieve the pressure. Maybe you’re wondering what’s so hard with just one child? Maybe I’m just not that talented at juggling life, home, and childcare and being present through it all.

Anyway, so I’ve been trying to find help so I could get 1-3 hours a day to take care of things. When we moved to our new neighborhood, I was excited to see there was a daycare right in the moobaan. I thought: hey, that’s perfect! I can drop Cy off for a few hours, he gets to hang out and play with other kids, it would be great for him to have friends and playmates, and I can still spend the rest of the day with him.

(And I don’t have to worry about a nanny stealing my baby. Just kidding, I’m not that paranoid. Mostly.)

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I went to visit the daycare on a Saturday, and it looked really sweet, with tons of things to play with, nice, clean activity areas, and the lady running it was quite friendly. She invited us to try it out for a week, so I agreed to bring Cy on Monday morning at the time it worked best for our schedule.

We were there for an hour and a half, and in that time, the kids had a meal, two bath times, nap time, and one activity that consisted of lining all the kids up to stand still for 20 minutes (these were 2-4 year olds, mind you) while the teacher played a tape recording of songs, including the national anthem and the King’s song.

::ahem:: The kids were fidgety to say the least. One poor child was so desperate he walked around banging his head on things to relieve the boredom. The teacher never yelled at him, but it was clear he couldn’t keep in line with the rest of the toddlers.

Not once in that entire hour and a half I was there did the kids touch a toy, engage in an activity that required movement, or involve any kind of enrichment. I’m sure those activities exist there…they just didn’t happen in the window I planned for Cy.

I was prepared for some drawbacks to daycare: some crying, some lack of one-on-one attention, etc. I was hoping daycare would be like what I remembered of mine: hazy sensory memories of toys, colorful posters, and drawing with crayons. Maybe I’m too American, but this one seemed a little too…institutional…for me.

Back to the drawing board.



The New ‘Hood

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Welcome to the neighborhood! With ladies like these to greet you at the entrance, would you ever guess I live in Thailand?

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Our new home is situated in a moobaan, or neighborhood, that is such a funny, eclectic mix of things. You know you’re in for something different when directions to your house include “take a left at the angel, a right at the Pegasus, and go past the Madonna.”

statueIt also includes instructions to watch out for the stray dogs.

(null)_3The wide open streets are home to at least four or five separate packs of strays and some of them can seem quite vicious. I once tried to call the local gas company to deliver a gas tank for our kitchen stove – the carrier came on a motorbike with a sidecart and he was so freaked out by the dogs, he got almost to our house, then with the dogs tearing after him, he wheeled right around and sped off. I ran out after him trying to call him back. I did not get a gas tank that day.

And oh look, there will be more.

Nursing in public

Nursing in public

There are at least two or three litters of new puppies rambling about.

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When we checked out the place, I noticed lots of empty lots interspersed between the houses. What I didn’t really notice was the actual houses. There are some wide, sprawling properties adorned with impressive McMansions. And there’s slums and shanty houses I didn’t even see until I saw their lights on at night. There’s a bend in the road where someone graffitied “Line End”, but if you look closely, there’s a tiny gate and a hidden path to a house tucked behind the wall and trees.

The neighbors are friendly.

And there’s a discarded toilet by the communal trash that no one seems in a hurry to be responsible for.

It’s funky all right.

Oh, and across the street is a popular wat.

Temple

Temple

But despite the oddities – okay, who am I kidding…because of the oddities – I’m really coming to love our new place. We moved here because the location is just mere minutes from pretty much everything fun in town, it’s super close to lots of great food, and for the same number of bedrooms we’re paying at least $200/mo less. What’s not to love, right?

EDITI forgot to mention our neighborhood also houses a tailor shop, daycare center, ballet academy and the Peruvian consulate….which is in the ballet academy.

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In other news, my (previous) kitchen is on The Kitchn! Leela graciously did a kitchen tour with me just before we moved. Stay tuned next week to see what fun we got up to in our new kitchen!

Little by Little



An Impromptu Diversion

I invited my parents for coffee. We ended up in Lampang.

Lampang is a small historic town about an hour’s drive away from Chiang Mai. It’s a funky little river town, with old colonial style buildings, horse-drawn carriages, and rooster-adorned lampposts.

Sukothai style noodle soup

Sukothai style noodle soup

Me & the curry pots

Me & the curry pots

Wall decor

Wall decor

Apothecary, complete with abacus!

Apothecary, complete with abacus!

Old floors

Old floors

Cafe & curios

Cafe & curios

Colonial style architecture

Colonial style architecture

Sometimes a little get-together just isn’t enough. One thing turns into another and suddenly you find yourself riding a cow in a different city. Sometimes the best laid plans are the ones you never made.

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So I kind of went of the grid there for a little while. What with moving to a new house, the holidays, taking care of bureaucratic chores, and what not, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. But I have lots to tell you and I can’t wait to show you our new neighborhood and home! Stay tuned for more…

In the meantime, check out some fun glimpses from around the world and other fun little things!

 

Little by Little



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