announcement!

I’ve decided to start sharing some of my works of fiction with my readers here on Tasting Grace. In the post below, you can see an excerpt and a link to the first one I’ve posted, My Brother, Soweto. If you look at the links above my header, you’ll see a link “Stories”. This page will compile a list of all the short stories I post, displaying excerpts and links to the stories themselves.

Please feel free to comment on the stories or on the design of the story page. I would love and very much appreciate feedback.

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titmt – when i was a child…

…I used to daydream. I used to dream, and dream, and dream. From the time I woke up in the morning until the time I went to bed at night. I immersed myself in books because reading is like dreaming. When I sat in class at school and learned cursive and multiplication tables and the capital of California, I daydreamed.

I remember a particularly luscious one about sunflowers in the second grade.
sunflower_risingBut I don’t remember the long division I was supposed to have been paying attention to.

I had to stay after school with the teacher so she could show me long division. She couldn’t understand why I got some things so quickly and others not at all. If I could see her again, I would say, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Greene, but it was because there were some things I just never heard.” My husband’s stepmom said this might have been a coping mechanism. I suspect she might be right.

I’d like to say the daydreaming stopped when I was a kid, but actually I’m kind of glad it didn’t. Now I daydream stories and characters and have entire conversations in my head. But this time I write them down, and enter them in contests, and submit them for publication. Maybe I still don’t pay attention when I should, though how can I when I’m constructing war and sadness, love and little bits of truth?

(And…I’ve decided to share them. Soon (very soon!), I will have a page up on my blog where I will post my short stories. I hope you all will like them.)

Is it strange one of the things I loved most about childhood was something that…wasn’t exactly real? Hmm.

What about you? How would you complete the phrase: “When I was a child…”?

The Rules
I think there is real power in the human voice, as flawed as it may be. And when the voices speak together, when you have a multitude of voices speaking, patterns begin to emerge and there you can begin to understand truth. So in the spirit of the personal narrative, I am hosting a weekly challenge every Tuesday morning, where I will post a topic (ranging from the banal to the intimate) and ask readers to respond. I would love to see everyone’s answers and how similar and different they all are.

You can respond in any way you choose. You can give a fictional response or a true one. You can use words, sentences, and/or photographs. If you have a blog, you can link it with Mr. Linky below. Please be sure to include “Tell It To Me Tuesdays” in the title, and link back to this post. Feel free to use the “Tell It To Me Tuesday” button available to the right. If you don’t have a blog, but want to join in, you can just leave a comment. Please follow the rules. I don’t want to have to delete links. I like links! Don’t make me delete them.

TITMT
Next week’s challenge:
“I’ve learned…” (or: “I’ve discovered…”)

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addressed to anonymous

sidewalksceneHave you ever left things unsaid? Is there anything you wish you could say, but haven’t, or someone you wish you could talk to, but can’t? What if you had the chance to change that?

There is a new blog called “Addressed to Anonymous” that tries to deal with this very thing. As the blog author explains:
“Yesterday I had a lot of emotions I wanted to purge. I wrote them and sealed them in a letter, but had no where to send it to. So I got to thinking…what if there was somewhere to send that letter anonymously. Some place to put it out into the universe and maybe even to get response (not from the intended recipient, but from someone who could relate or just wanted to provide comfort and wisdom). Out of this I started a new idea/blog/community share site. Addressed to Anonymous. What do you have to say that you can’t or just haven’t? Who would you write a letter to if it could be anonymous? Don’t tell me on here…start writing the letter.”

Do you have something to purge? If so, maybe it would help to send an anonymous letter out into the ether. You never know. Even the process of writing the letter alone can be profoundly cathartic.

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why i love blogging

laptopI’ve already mentioned the reasons why blogging has helped me grow personally, but there are other reasons I love the blogosphere and am so glad I’ve joined it. And those reasons are: my fellow bloggers.

Fellow bloggers, one, know how difficult it is to come up with something witty, sharp, beautiful, transcendent, funny, raw, and real to say all the time. They know what it’s like to put yourself on the line and face potential criticism. And sometimes they know what it’s like to face actual criticism: sometimes on track, but often from people quicker to judge than understand and who find it all too easy to leave a thoughtless comment. And through it all these fellow bloggers are such a lovely, supportive community – at least the ones I’ve come across.

Moreover, they are so inspiring as people. Through blogs, I get a little window into other people’s lives, and I find it so wonderfully inspiring to see people not only put themselves out there, but also to display such creativity and verve and energy – all at a grassroots level. It’s through blogs that I discovered the wonder that is Etsy, the humor that is Badass Geek, The Bloggess, and Stephanie Klein; the artistry that is Kidnapped by Suburbia, An Apple A Day, and Cafe Cartolina; the food of Our Best Bites or Pioneer Woman; or the love that is I Should Be Folding Laundry and School Teacher By Day Superhero By Night. That’s not even a pinky full. That’s just the atom at the furthest tip of the iceberg of the wellspring of talent that is out there.

But just knowing that all these people are out there, caring for their communities (however that word might be circumscribed), collaborating on parenthood and raising the next generation, and getting out there and making their own unique imprint on the world, fills me with such joy and such pride for my fellow human beings. It gives me such hope to know that individual talent has not died; it does not belong only to the superstars that television haphazardly decides to elevate; it is not all mass-produced into oblivion; and you don’t have to go to a museum to find it. It’s all at your fingertips, and won’t you try it too?

Finally, it is comforting to know that we can reach across cities, across states…across continents, and find people going through the same trials and tribulations as we are, and that, for all our unique traits, voices, approaches, expressions, and peccadilloes, at least when it comes to the things that matter the most…we’re all not so very different, are we?

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Recluse to regaler

writer_recluseThe image one always has of writers is that of the recluse. When we think of writers we always imagine the hermits who hack away at their typewriters, only to emerge at odd hours, wallow in social awkwardness and then recede to hack away some more at their tomes. Not exactly the height of social grace – or even chumminess.

So I find it ironic that since I have become a writer (not published yet, of course…but still a writer, dangit! since I write every day, even if it’s only on my blog) I have actually become more gregarious than I was before.

See, before I was a writer, I was a reader. And I think one of the things about reading is that it is primarily an internal activity. Inner dialogue, inner thoughts and revelations, and the sounding out words out in your mind makes avid readers very comfortable in their own heads. So when I was out with friends, I always had running commentary (not voices, thankyouverymuch, just thoughts) going on while I was observing the scenes. I was so busy thinking, I could never respond in time to insert something witty before the conversation passed me by. The larger the group, the more I receded into the background.

But I find this changing now. Not overmuch, but subtly. I talk more in groups now. I tell more stories, share more observations, and I’m finding it less difficult to keep pace with the conversation and hold my own space in the group. I sit back less and engage more. And I think it is primarily due to writing. The practice of writing daily has gotten me in the regular practice of coming up with unique turns of phrase, constructing sentences, verbalizing thoughts, and putting abstract concepts into words in ways that are vivid and entertaining. Sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes it’s a miss but the effort quotidienne has sharpened my wit and given me confidence that what I have to say is worth sharing.

I’ll never be a stand up comedienne, and I’ll probably still never be the one who is always the life of the party, but I am pleased that writing has actually reversed any reclusive tendencies I might have had.

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Man Down.

rodeo_man_down

One of the things I love most about having a blog is having a creative outlet where I can play with both words and imagery. Not only do I get to have daily practice for my writing, I also get regular opportunities to play with the camera and to try to find ways to combine the two effectively and evocatively.

It doesn’t always work, of course. Some posts are definitely better than others. But I’m always thinking of new ideas, stretching new boundaries, and discovering new combinations of words to capture the emotions and concepts that fill a life.

The above photo is one with which I am immensely surprised and pleased that it turned out the way it did. We went to the rodeo last weekend, and I had to squeeze my camera between people’s heads and hold it just so to try to get something worthwhile in the frame. I wanted to capture a dynamic shot, so I slowed the shutter speed way down. And out of a multitude of hokey shots came this one. One so painterly it no longer looks like a photograph.

It makes me smile and think that maybe – just maybe – my degree in Art hasn’t gone completely to waste.

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Developments

So I’ve gone underground the past couple of days and haven’t kept up with posting, but I swear it’s been because I’ve actually been {gasp!} productive. When I haven’t been banging my head about transcribing interviews, I’ve been making new revisions to my manuscript, AND….designing my own website. I’m very excited about this. The design is a something like Jane Austen with a hint of Kurt Cobain. Actually I had planned a little bit more Kurt Cobain, but achieving that level of grunge was just too much effort.

…and I realize you probably have no idea what I’m talking about here. I want to show you, give you a sneak peek, but I won’t. It’ll just have to be a surprise. I’ve laid out the blog/home page, which is the main bulk of the design. Now I just have to put together some of the other pages, which should go very quickly now that I’ve gotten the main design fleshed out. Then Tech Support (aka: my husband) will help me work it into wordpress. And then Tasting Grace will have a new home! It will be at jadekeller[dot]com. But don’t go there now. Now there is just a half-assed pre-made wordpress layout. Very boring.

And hopefully, design trends won’t quite change in the next 5 minutes making me look out-dated just as I got in. I’m hoping to be a published, pregnant woman who can work from home before I have to do another design overhaul (which, as those of you who are familiar with the Jadian timeframe know should be a few years off), because it’s a lot of work! On top of other career work to do…

Anyway, that’s where I am. If I disappear for a while, it’s because I’m tidying up my manuscript. In the meantime, here’s a little tidbit for all the Buffy fans out there. Nuala, I think you especially will enjoy this.

Buffy v. Edward.

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Musings on a Friday Blessing


There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that I could complain about: it’s a rainy day, with plans thwarted, mini-stresses, and plenty of inconveniences that should make me grumpy. But when I woke up this morning, I felt inexplicably happy and at peace. Maybe because it is Friday, I feel more like celebrating than grousing. I have many reasons to feel blessed and thinking of those blessings seems to me like a good way to start the weekend. So, instead of the rain outside today, I take a picture of a sunflower rising.

Today I must focus on finishing my theory chapter of my dissertation. I’ve set a deadline for myself to finish it by Sunday night so I can give it and my Intro chapter (which is already more or less complete) to my committee. Such relief it will be to have that finished, because once it is complete, I’ll be doing data entry for a (long) while. While that probably sounds tedious–and it is–it’ll be a nice break from the craziness that has been this past year. Plus, it will also give me the requisite mental space for getting back to my manuscript in the evenings. One more set of revisions await completion, and once those are ready, I can send my manuscript off to agents and publishers!

On Saturday, I’m holding a Thank You BBQ for my students and I’m really looking forward to it. They’ve done fantastic work this quarter as research assistants and they deserve a little party in their honor. Plus, I really do enjoy my students as people. I’m looking forward to an opportunity to know them better as individuals, and let my hair down so to speak, so they can know me better too. At this stage in their careers, they should know I’m rooting for them and happy to support them any way I can.

I have an awesome, amazing, wonderful husband who brings me joy and giggles every day. This little slice of bliss has become even more important than I imagined. It gives me a safe foundation where when everything else in my life goes to sh*t, there is a space where I can come home and say, “Life isn’t so bad”.

I have amazing friends. Even though almost all of them are far away–and one is due to leave soon and another is going halfway around the world!–they are all incredible people to know and love. I feel extremely happy for them as they embark on their new journeys and I feel lucky to have them in my life. I’m looking forward to the celebrations in their honor, bitter-sweet though they may be.

Now that the data collection phase of my research is done, I can work almost entirely at home. This makes my little heart go pitter-pat. Working at home is the shiz-nit because you can wear whatever you want.

And last but not least, it’s FRIDAY and I’m just about to enjoy a good cup of coffee. Sounds like bliss to me.

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Bringing Nature into Writing

On Saturday, I went to a writer’s workshop in Ojai and it was amazing. It was all about using the natural world as metaphor, or another language even, to express the self and life experiences. I’ve been wanting to find ways to slow down the pace of my manuscript in certain spots and to add an extra layer of depth and meaning to it, and I think what I learned in this workshop will really help with that.

The workshop just consisted of a series of writing exercises, to which we would do a free-response and then read aloud to the other participants. I really enjoyed this process, so I thought I would share a few of my responses.

We started with a meditation where we were to imagine our bodies as landscapes and then we wrote about what came in our meditations. Here’s mine:

I am the rolling hills, golden and dotted with the lushness of deep greens. Golden and green like the strident colors of a battle flag. I am like the hills, gentle and sensuous, warm and inviting.

But a river runs through these hills, carving through the landscape, bringing with it life, vivacity, breath and energy. Where the hills would be soft and sleepy, the river awakens. Where the hills would be warm and glowing, the river brings coolness and slippery edges. While the whole of me is the gentle, sensual silence of the hills, a river strikes through my core.

In this river core, I am waiting, anticipatory. In this core, I am like the spark of electricity that lights a fire. In this core, I am vibrant.

Another assignment we had was to think of a person we love and describe them using clouds as imagery. Here is what I wrote:

My Asian grandmother was like a solitary storm cloud hovering on the south east horizon. She was silent and steady, heavy with the volition of ancestral spirits. But with her always loomed the potential of a sudden strike. Though diminutive in size, her presence was larger than life. She was hardened, tough, and weathered by the processes of time. But there was a depth to her. A depth so profound that one couldn’t help but always keep her in the corner of one’s eye, even when she was far away. She was the matriarch. It was foolish to make a move without first considering her. All of life moved below her, under her watchful eye.

When she passed, it was like the heavy storm cloud dissipating into the light. Though she is gone, the memory of her is an indelible imprint; like a footstep pressed into sand.

A different assignment was to take a character from one writing piece we did and place them in a landscape totally foreign. I chose India:

A world-weary traveler of the American heartland, I am overwhelmed by the discordant bustle of the streets of Bombay. Instead of floating through the wide open vistas of purple and gold, I am deluged in a sea of spices and curries, melodious car horns, loud voices and jostling vendor stalls. Bright orange wars with reds and greens and blues and pinks, the colors a riot on my fatigued eyes. Incense shocks the system, children clamor for money, cars screech to a halt and I can’t see the sky. I am out of my element, tossed out of peaceful vistas into a brash landscape I can’t comprehend. The heat and humidity are oppressive. Walking outside is like slamming into a wall of water.

And yet. And yet there is a happiness here. A joie de vivre unparalleled in the States. An endless extension of family and friends and neighbors who welcome you to a cup of chai. After the initial thunderstorm of shock, there is a pulse, a rhythm, the steady beating hear of India. And I find I am home.

The final assignment was to take a cumulative look over everything we covered in the workshop and write a poem as response to the whole experience. Here is mine:

Clouds
Thick with history
Heavy with mood
They strum along the horizon
An ominous interlude

Clouds
Wistful and transcendent
Dissipate in the light
Misty and ethereal
They slip through the night

So many magical shapes
So many wondrous forms
Whisking happy travelers away
Or comforting the widow, who mourns.

Where will they go?
Where shall they be?
Watch them flit whither and nigh
As they float by and by and by.

Definitely not Yeats or Whitman, but not bad, I think, for 10 minutes’ work. :)

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Prologue to "Fatima in Corinth"

I have finished my new manuscript! Well, the draft is written anyhow, but now the revisions must start. But in the meantime, I thought I would give my readers a little teaser. Here is the prologue for your reading enjoyment.

Prologue

The sun glittered over the ripples in the water, like a million stars in a turquoise sky. Fatima breathed in the rich, salty air and spread her arms open wide.
She relished this first trip over the Aegean, as different as it was from the camel caravans on which she and her father customarily traveled. What wonders would Corinth have in store for her? She let her imagination run wild as the sparkling, gleaming, white city gradually came into view. Excitement for the newest adventure bubbled up inside her. She could barely sit still, waiting impatiently for the long, wooden ship to dock. She glanced quickly at her father in anticipation, and he gave her the tiniest of winks and a smile. It would be one of the last of his smiles she would ever see.
A sudden shiver raced up her spine, surprising her momentarily, as she turned to greet the new city.

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